


Son of the Barney

by kolbdog



Category: Barney and Friends
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 03:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolbdog/pseuds/kolbdog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Fourth in the series and final.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blueprint

The rain drizzled sloppily down the cavern walls, wiry ivy strung about the  
bricks and crumbling mortar. In the pale glow of a rusting street lamp, a  
tall, gaunt figure clad in a tattered raincoat steadily made its way down the  
clammy passages and tunnels. The figure clicked on a flashlight and made its  
way to a series of doors. Checking about to see that it wasn't being followed  
or watched, it turned to a door painted a sickly shade of purple and rapped  
steadily upon its rotting surface. 

After a minute, a hinged-view-port opened from the inside. A raspy voice asked,  
"Who loves you?"

"I," replied the figure.

"And who loves me?"

"You," answered the figure a second time.

"And what are we?"

"A happy family. Open the damn door, I was told it was an emergency."

The thick wooden door creaked open, and the rain-drenched figure entered. It  
was immediately greeted by a short, balding man with wiry spectacles.

"Dr. Copernicus, you didn't waste a moment! By all that is purple, I thank  
you!"

Dr. Copernicus wiped the water from his brow and produced a pair of glasses  
from his upper coat pocket. He slid them on and gazed about the concrete room  
uneasily. "You'll want to tell Merrick it may be a good idea to relocate the  
Assembly. I see more and more police and civil patrolmen in this area of town  
with each passing day."

"Noted, Doctor", the balding man answered. "Now come down to the central  
chamber, it's not looking good at all!"

Dr. Copernicus peeled off his raincoat and strode down the ramp after the other  
man, who clenched his fingers and was hyperventilating. Something was alarming  
him, no doubt about that. As the two men neared the central chamber, he became  
aware of screams and shouts of delirium. The noise increased as they closed  
in. At the chamber entrance, the bald man paused and looked into the Doctor's  
eyes.

"He was our best hope yet. Last week he was singing, dancing, exclaiming his  
love everywhere. But now," he said, opening the door, "this is what we have to  
work with."

Dr. Copernicus walked into the room. It smelled of ammonia. Gurgling, squalid  
creatures known as the Loved Ones wandered about frantically, dressed in  
surgical smocks and handling crude instruments. Several humans, also in  
surgical attire, were circled about a wide table. The whole scene was lit from  
a ceiling lamp, that teetered about on a frayed cord. The Doctor walked up to  
the table and pushed the surgeons aside. What he saw made him step back.

Strapped to the table was a large, fat, bestial creature that seemed reptilian  
in form, yet lacked scales. It rolled its huge dead eyes about the ceiling,  
while its perfect white teeth were clenched in agony. Dr. Copernicus lifted  
the clipboard off the edge of the table and read the print:

BARNEY PROJECT: Specimen #18, Gestation period 7 months  
Examined by Dr. Krupper, Dr. Garrison, Dr. Gillman  
Planned completion date: Within five years

The Doctor lifted his brow. "The finest underground team of medical  
specialists has gone through _eighteen_ specimens already? And this is the  
best they can come up with?"

"Dr. Copernicus," stammered a nurse from the opposite side of the table, "your  
background in genetic engineering and alliance to the Church of Purple Love  
compelled us to contact you tonight. This subject has been in the throes of  
delirium since this morning. Dr. Krupper and the rest have invested every  
ounce of their energy into making this project a success. Given what we have  
to work with, I believe we have done an excellent job".

"Thanks for the opinion," grumbled Dr. Copernicus. "But this is still  
slop-work at best. Look at the poor bastard. He's not lovable. Hell, he's  
not even purple, more a sickly mauve. The skin's not plush and chubby, rather  
wrinkled, mottled, and those thick veins sticking out everywhere is a pretty  
long call from the one we all love and worship".

The next instant the lizard-like behemoth shrieked and tore off his upper  
restraints. All the humans and Loved Ones backed off, except for Dr.  
Copernicus. He turned to the nurse.

"20 ccs of Formula 14A," he ordered.

The nurse filled the hypodermic and handed it to the Doctor. "What are you  
going to do?" he asked.

"I'm gonna put this miserable creature out of his misery," he replied, and with  
that, stabbed the needle into the creature's shoulder. The beast bellowed  
tremendously, and struck the Doctor, sending him flying across the room. The  
monster rose upon its spindly haunches, and, tearing away the remnants of its  
restraints, began advancing towards a cluster of horrified Loved Ones, who  
retreated into a corner.

"Looo-looo-loovvvee....me......loo-loo-loovvee...." hissed the beast,  
staggering and shaking spasmodically. When it got within five feet from the  
whimpering mass of Loved Ones, it suddenly fell to the floor and died seconds  
later.

The nurse ran over and helped Dr. Copernicus to his feet. "Are you okay,  
Doctor?"

Dr. Copernicus stared intently at the bloated corpse on the floor. "His  
maturity was something your bio-engineering couldn't anticipate," he began.  
"The moment your precious little Barney Jr. hit the initial stages of puberty,  
those hormones of his began rejecting every chemical your crew fueled into his  
body. No wonder he was in so much pain. Practically every neuron of his body  
was on fire, his mind was pretty much gone as well." He dusted himself off and  
cleaned his glasses. "Take me to Dr. Krupper, we need to talk."

* * *

Dr. Krupper sat in his office, a dank, dismal cubicle of rock that was formerly  
a ticketing office when the caverns were still a subway system in upper  
Manhattan. Following the Purple Holocaust, the subway fell into ruin and was  
never re-established. When the initial rebuilding of civilization began again,  
he and some of his fellow cultists bought out the area and converted it into a  
secret headquarters for the Church of Purple. Worshippers of the Mighty Purple  
Plushosaurus congregated on a regular basis, and Dr. Krupper was pleased to see  
that so many were high-level officials. Were the need to arise, the Church of  
Purple could inflict more organized impact upon humanity than the initial  
Purple Holocaust. With all due respect to Barney.

Indeed, with all due respect to Barney.

For a moment, it had seemed that Barney was about to realize a second coming,  
with the generous aid of Disciple Thorton Marshall, a consultant of children's  
public programming. Marshall and his resources had brought the Beast of Purple  
onto the airwaves once again, yet the mighty plan fell through. Jeremy and  
Fran Phillips, long-time adversaries of Barney and his devotees, had somehow  
thwarted Marshall, leaving him, several dozen Loved Ones, Baby Bop, and most  
importantly, Barney.....dead.

Dr. Krupper closed his eyes and bowed his head. How could anyone do that to  
Barney? Didn't they see how much that wonderful Purple dinosaur loved  
everyone? Wasn't that what everyone needed?

Still, the Church of Purple endured, hoping for a miracle. Then, it came.

Several breakthroughs in genetic cloning, engineering, and cognitive implanting  
had occurred over the last decade. Thousands of dollars were invested into the  
collection of Barney articles, paraphernalia, and eventually, reputed blood  
traces of the Purple God himself from his last known refuge, were collected.  
The security and risk were phenomenally high, yet it seemed a small price to  
pay when given the chance to see Barney return from the lightless abyss and  
into real life once more. With some recent acquisitions from the black market,  
all the samples needed to recreate the Beast of Purple Passion were collected.

So far though, the results were less than encouraging. Initial attempts led to  
horrid mutations and unspeakable abominations. It was as if the genetic codes  
were dilated and unstable. Experiment after experiment only yielded horror and  
frustration. It had gone without saying that many underground scientists,  
including Dr. Krupper, were getting discouraged.

Dr. Krupper jumped at the unexpected knock at the door. A moment later, Dr.  
Copernicus walked in, a somber and disgruntled look on his face. He looked  
back at Dr. Krupper's round, pale, and bearded face. The two men stood in  
silence for a few, uncomfortable moments, then Dr. Copernicus spoke.

"My research into your last eighteen experiments show a lack of cohesiveness  
and organization. I'm not surprised you've had nothing but failures so far.  
Granted, this form of science is outlawed by mass society, but that's still no  
reason to be making monsters from Bunsen burners and third-grade chemistry  
kits. My good Dr. Krupper, I'm asking you to let me work on the next subject."

Dr. Krupper showed no reaction. "Please say what you would do different, Dr.  
Copernicus."

"You're working with genetically influenced embryos, based upon shaved cells  
from those supposedly belonging to Barney. I think there's enough evidence to  
show it came from him. What I plan on, Doctor, is to invest those genes in a  
more, shall we say, developed embryo. One with a more stabilized hormonal and  
physiological level, so we don't run into any more systems-rejections. I'm  
talking about a hybrid, Dr. Krupper."

Dr. Krupper's eyes widened. "You mean crossing those genes with an active,  
fully developed organism?"

Dr. Copernicus relished Dr. Krupper's astonishment. "I'm talking about  
crossing Barney's recessive genes with those of an active, living _human_."

An empty, unyielding silence fell upon the dark, gloomy room. Outside in the  
rain, a pack of gibbering, cloaked Loved Ones carried a fat, squalid corpse  
down a small ravine and tossed the bloated body into a churning whirlpool. The  
bulbous head glistened in the hazy moonlight, its mouth hung open in an idiotic  
grin and its eyes rolled upward into the frigid night sky. The creature spun  
around in the polluted vortex of water for a few moments, and was then sucked  
down rapidly into the black inkiness of the depths below.

One of the Loved Ones produced a small, hand-held cassette player and turned it  
on as if in reverie. The tape hissed and spat static, and then a high, sweet  
lullably broke into the night air. The Loved One held it out towards the  
whirlpool, swaying gently and cooing to the song upon the cassette:

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family  
With a great big hug and kiss from me to you,  
Won't you say you love me too?

A thunderbolt and flash of lightning shattered the violent night sky. The  
Loved One smiled, giggled, and returned to join his brethren as they returned  
to the secret caverns.


	2. Genesis

The door shattered into splinters. The plump, blubbery Loved One technicians  
ran in terror as the bandaged and shrieking monstrosity tore into the room,  
flailing about blindly and destroying everything in its path.

One unfortunate Loved One stumbled upon the steps, and was immediately clutched  
by the fat, purplish beast. It looked into the monster's dead eyes, partially  
hidden by blood-stained tape, and cried. The next instant the monster shoved  
the Loved One into its mouth and chewed it apart.

Dr. Copernicus staggered out of the central chamber, sirens blaring and lights  
flashing about him. Several humans emerged from the tunnel entrances with  
rifles.

"Shoot it!" cried the Doctor.

The humans levelled a frantic barrage against the beast, bullets ripping into  
its sagged, purplish flesh. It roared in agony and fell upon the stone floor,  
gasping for air in the smoke-filled chamber. It looked up at Dr. Copernicus.

"...won't you say you love me too........." slurred the abomination. It closed  
its eyes and went limp.

"Barney Project #22 didn't pull through?" quipped Dr. Krupper. Dr. Copernicus  
turned around faced the older, bearded man.

"Affirmative," replied Dr. Copernicus. He didn't like the smugness of  
Krupper's voice.

"You see now that it's not so easy," continued Dr. Krupper. "We are working on  
a forbidden project, and must make do with what we can acquire."

"This is the fourth Barney-gene/human hybrid I've developed," said Dr.  
Copernicus. "By my estimation the first one should've been a success." He  
scrunched his brow and thought a moment. He returned his gaze to Dr. Krupper.  
"Tell me, where have my human subjects come from?"

"Well," began Dr. Krupper, "to insure secrecy we obtain your specimens from  
half-way houses, homeless shelters, and occasionally right off the street.   
People who no one would miss, at least not immediately."

"That's the problem," snapped Dr. Copernicus. "You've been giving me subjects  
unfit for laboratory use. Those kinds of people are malnourished, poorly  
educated, sometimes mentally unbalanced. For this gene-splicing process to  
work, I need a more healthy, stable individual."

"Preposterous!" cried Dr. Krupper. "The Church of Purple Love must remain  
inconspicuous. We have teachers, lawyers, programmers, parents, even  
politicians registered within our clandestine ranks. Those people promise  
power to our Assembly. I will not risk it all just because you want us to go  
out and capture you a 'real' person. You will make do with who ever we assign  
you!"

" You will give me a better specimen or Barney, the Purple Lover and Savior,  
will not come again. I remind you that that is why all of your 'specialists'  
are down here, using up what little time and money we have. All I want is your  
permission, Krupper, Leave the specimen up to me. I'll find someone to make  
the leap."

Krupper sat and thought for a few moments. There was no other way.

"Who are you going to use?" he asked.

* * * * *

Barry Clements watched the last of his pupils leave, waving at them as they  
left for the bus. He checked his watch. 3:30 pm. This was his fifth year of  
teaching the second grade and he still barely got the children out on time.   
Frankly, he loved the work and would keep the children around all day if he  
could. A dedicated teacher, he was well regarded by the faculty as well as the  
students of Brookburg Elementary.

As he thought back on his years, he realized that for one incident, his record  
as a teacher was spotless. He had never struck a child, lost his temper, missed  
an appointment with a parent, and evaluations were always favorable. As he  
drove home, he remembered with keen precision the incident that happened his  
first year that may have well got him kicked out of the teaching profession all  
together.

It was just a month after Jeremy Phillips had made a public appearance on  
television, announcing that Barney the Dinosaur had been vanquished a second  
time, this time forever. He raised an amethyst globe to the cameras, that  
revealed the semblance of Barney encased in the jewel, screaming in horrified  
silence. Cheers and applause broke out immediately.

When it was brought up by one of the youngsters in class, Barry had defended  
Barney, saying that no creature was evil who preached love and kindness.   
Rather, Jeremy Phillips and his sister Fran should both apologize for the hurt  
they had inflicted in banishing the dinosaur from the world. Barry then began  
to sing the opening chords of the Barney-theme song, until he realized his  
class was staring at him in awestruck silence and discomfort. The next day he  
was called into an emergency meeting with the PTA.

It was the most painful three hours of Barry's life. Amidst the accusations,  
personal attacks, and furor, Barry constantly apologized and restated himself.   
When it was over, Barry and Mr. Watters, the school principal, had a small  
talk. Mr. Watters told Barry that he was an excellent teacher, but one more  
mention of the Purple Horror in class would be inexcusable. Barry was put on  
temporary probation for the rest of the year.

Barry still felt the Purple Holocaust had been a massive hoax. That Barney and  
Baby Bop were acutally friends of all mankind. Wasn't love and caring  
essential to the world order? Even the reputed accounts of atrocities and  
cruelties Barney had inflicted upon the world wasn't enough to sway Barry.   
But yet he was forced to keep quiet about these beliefs.

As Barry parked his car outside his house, he noticed a tall, gaunt man  
standing outside his driveway. He was dressed in a purple trenchcoat and  
smiled at Barry. The two men approached each other and shook hands.

"Barry Clements," said the man, "I'm Ian Copernicus. I have an exciting  
proposition for you."


	3. Caricature

Barry Clements looked about in bewilderment. Dozens of people danced around in  
mindless abandon, circling the statue that peaked near the ceiling. The idol  
bore an amazing resemblance to the one known as Barney, and its arms were  
raised in an invitating gesture to hug while its mouth hung open in an idiotic  
grin. Loved One musicians piped along in merriment, as the congregation of the  
Church of Purple Love giggled and pranced, clutching moth-eaten Barney and Baby  
Bop dolls. All Barry could do was stare on in astonishment.

Dr. Copernicus sensed the young man's surprise. He leant over and whispered in  
his ear. "You should see them when they get excited," he said with a wry  
smile. 

"After that so-called Purple Holocaust I didn't think there'd be this many  
people worshipping Barney," said Barry. "I'm honored that you want to make me  
into his semblance."

Dr. Copernicus laughed out loud, causing Barry to jump. "I'm not going to make  
you into the semblance of Barney," he said, chuckling, " I'm literally going  
to make you Barney!"

Suddenly a gong broke the revelry, and the worshippers all returned to their  
seats. At the front of the pews stood Merrick, Head Priest of the Royal Order  
of Purple Passion. He held a few withered books in his hands and rested them  
on the podium.

"Dear Special Friends, in the name of all that is Purple, I love you," smiled  
the priest. "Won't you say you love me too?"

"We love you!" echoed the audience.

"Well, that's super-deeeee-duper," replied Merrick, who began flipping through  
one of the books. "Today's lesson comes from one of my favorite books, titled  
'Baby Bop's Favorite Toys', and not only does Baby Bop want to show you her  
favorite toys, she wants you to know, that she loves you. As do I. Won't you  
say you love me too?"

"We love you!" screamed the audience again.

Content, Merrick began reading from the book while the audience looked on  
enraptured. Dr. Copernicus took Barry by the arm and led him out of the  
shrine. "You'll have time for this later, Barry," he said. "Now did you  
cancel your mail and put yourself on leave?"

"Yes, I did everything you told me to, Dr. Copernicus," replied the young  
teacher. "all this trouble just to don a Barney costume?"

Dr. Copernicus stopped in his tracks. He scowled at Barry. "We're not talking  
costumes, Mr. Clements. We're talking about a permanent transformation that  
will bring you such power and the world such love that you cannot even _begin_  
to fathom its implications. Costume indeed, We're making you into a God!!"

* * * * * * *

Detective Riley looked at the corpse. Fat, bloated, purplish, thick-veined,  
and horribly grotesque. He knelt down for a closer look and shook his head.

"What do you see, Riley?" asked Sergeant Graham.

"Same as the first two," replied the detective. "Perfect teeth, big dead eyes,  
thick blubbery tail, shortened arms. Some sort of perverse cross between man  
and dinosaur. Haven't seen anything like this since the Barney the Dinosaur  
scare some years ago."

"But isn't that scare over with? Didn't Jeremy whats-his-name banish the  
Beast?"

"Apparently this is some fiendish facsimile. Not Barney as he's ever been  
known as, but close. Get the forensics boys down here, see what killed this  
freak."

"The others apparently died from some sort of shock to the limbic system,"  
muttered the sergeant, poking the bloated skin of the dead creature. "I bet  
that may have been the same here."

"We need to set up more search teams in this area," said Detective Riley,  
perusing the area. "In the good old days, we used to bust Satanists or  
neo-Nazis. Those groups have pretty much disbanded or joined one of the Barney  
cults. Tell the records people to scan all files, linking possible  
cult-members to the immediate neighborhood. We'll land the people responsible  
for this."

* * * *

In the basement, Barry felt uneasy. He felt his arms. Since the injections  
began four days ago, he sensed his skin getting plump, plush, and an off-shade  
of violet. Dr. Copernicus didn't explain the procedure in great detail, yet  
seemed sure of its imminent success. But within a week, the doctor warned, the  
major operations would ensue. Barry would have to be at his physical and  
mental peak for the procedure to be a success.

Barry picked up a video and slid it into the VCR. Soon Barney and his friends  
blipped onto the screen. In this episode, Tina had just sprained her wrist and  
was worried about going to the doctor. Barney reassured her that all would be  
well, and sang many songs and did many skits about visiting the doctor. Within  
moments Barry found himself singing along and giggling. God I love this show,  
he thought. He danced and pranced the whole night long.

From a hidden camera, Dr. Krupper eyed Barry with a fiendish glare. He was  
angered that Dr. Copernicus had assumed control of the Barney Project, and  
wanted to see him fail. When night had completely fallen upon the secret  
compound, he would sneak into Copernicus' laboratory and see for himself what  
desing was needed for probable success. All he needed was for this effort to  
fail. Disastrously.

Dr. Krupper's eyes fell to a thin bottle of red liquid on his desk. It was  
labeled FORMULA 7966-CC, and a sinister, glistening hypodermic lay beside it.   
Maybe it was time to "help" Dr. Copernicus in his project.....


	4. Prototype

Loved One technicians hurriedly scrambled about the set, making final  
adjustments to the cameras and scenery. Just back behind the curtain, Barry  
Clements lay under heavy sedation. Dr. Copernicus wringed his hands together  
in anxious glee. Taping would begin in five minutes.

It had now been four months since the Doctor had taken the young impressionable  
school teacher in, and after various operations and therapy sessions, it seemed  
that Barry's transformation into the Purple Dinosaur of Love was complete.

Not that Barry knew it. The sedatives and front lobal implants kept him barely  
coherent of his condition. Were he to know the full extent of his situation,  
one could assume the man would go insane. His once thin and developed body had  
been mutated into a fat, plush, purple abomination. Mass graftings of fatty  
tissue had insured that aspect of the transformation. For the head, tail, and  
appendages, the brilliantly diabolical Dr. Copernicus literally reprogrammed  
Barry's DNA structure, cross-etching the fragmented DNA molecules of the Purple   
Beast himself. Endless hours of mind-crushing therapy sessions involving  
Barney videos had completed the mental processes. The final assessment and  
treatment was finished just yesterday.

When Barry lifted his plush arms upward and bellowed "That's  
stuuuuuppppendous!" from the operating table, Dr. Copernicus and the assistants  
shrieked in delight. Calls were made, technicians pulled out of their beds at  
ungodly hours to begin studio preparations. The Church of Purple Love  
performed a three-day mass, ending with Barry's baptism. Chalice upon chalice  
of sacharrine-saturated water was poured over his head, while he clasped his  
paws and chuckled in embarassment. A new age of Barneyism had surfaced, while  
the Outer World carried out its businness, unaware that the Purple Evil had  
been reborn.

The only person who did not take part in the celebration was Dr. Krupper, who  
sat back in bemused silence while the worshippers lavished praise upon Dr.  
Copernicus and his Barry-turned-Barney creation. If anyone were to watch Dr.  
Krupper carefully, they would see an occasional smirk cross his aging, portly  
face.

With Barry Clement's transformation complete, it was time to renew the studio  
equipment that had lain so neglected for so many years. By the end of the day  
the "Barney and Friends" studio set had been faithfully replicated, and Loved  
One musicians tuned and polished their instruments. Many members of the Church  
of Purple Love had volunteered their children to appear for the historic first  
episode which would be taped once the studio had been secured. Children of all  
ages fidgeted and squirmed, anxious to get on the air with the All-Loving  
Purple Plushosaurus. 

And now that moment had arrived.

Dr. Copernicus injected a stimulant into Barry/Barney's temple. The creature  
gave a short cry, then groaned softly. Merrick, who had appointed himself as  
the director, approached Barry. As the stimulant kicked in, Merrick looked  
into his eyes while Dr. Copernicus restrained the dino-mutant's thick arms.

"You are no longer Barry Clements," began Merrick, talking in a slow, dreamy  
voice. "From this moment on, Barry Clements no longer exists, not even in  
memory. Not even his family, friends, or co-workers exist anymore. All that  
exists now is you. You are Barney. You will be Barney....forever."

"Barney" nodded his head drearily, as saliva seeped down his chin. He smiled  
stupidly and followed the two men out onto the set. The studio lights were  
blinding and set crews were taping down the last few set pieces. A group of  
twenty children all huddled and smiled at him as he took his place. The two  
men left him there, and prepared to cue the music. From a dark corner, Dr.  
Krupper looked on, grinning.

Suddenly the lights flashed on and the Loved Ones kicked into the music. The  
children gleefully danced in a circle, and sang:

Barney is a dinosaur, he lives in our imagination,  
He's really what you might just call, a dinosaur sensation!

As the children sang, "Barney" staggered into the circle, waving and smiling,  
wagging his implanted tail to the music. So many children....such thrilling  
music....he was feeling happy...wasn't he?

Parents of the dancing children, among other members of the Purple Love  
congregation, watched on in mindless glee, tears of joy streaming down their  
faces. Barney was back. Jeremy Phillips was defeated once again. The world  
would come to know Barney the Dinosaur once again. Or else.

The music ended. The audience cheered. The children giggled and hugged  
"Barney". Dr. Krupper made his way out of the studio. "Barney" began to feel  
strange. Very strange.

It wasn't until a moment later when "Barney" bit off a toddler's arm that the  
blissfulness of the moment descended into an abyss of deep-rooted horror. As  
blood sprayed against the walls of the studio, children and adults alike fled  
in terror, while Loved One technicians and musicians scrambled to subdue the  
deranged dinosaur. "Barney" fought on, plowing one of his thick arms through a  
Loved One's chest, then waving it about like a chunk of meat on a skewer.   
Several humans scrambled for their rifles, but Dr. Copernicus pleaded with them   
not to. Instead, he made a daring leap at his hellish creation, plunging a  
tranquilizer directly into "Barney's" thigh. The mindless beast roared, and  
flung the doctor across the set. The doctor's body toppled over set pieces,  
shattering glass and wood, increasing the panic.

"I love you!!" shrieked the monster, wresting a Loved One's head off of its  
shoulders. When the lifeless head only gaped and sagged in "Barney's" hands,  
the Plush Purple Beast flung it against the wall, shattering it like a pumpkin.   
"Won't you say you love me too!?!?" it cried, then slowly sagged to the ground  
amidst the bloody carnage. 

Dr. Copernicus knelt down beside "Barney" and shook his head in great  
frustration. "Why? Why?" muttered the stunned doctor.

"Why indeed?" chirped a low, moronic voice from behind Dr. Copernicus. The  
Doctor turned and stared at a tall, stocky, purple figure with a fat green  
belly and idiotic grin. Beside him stood the triumphant figure of Dr. Krupper,  
who had his arm wrapped firmly around the creature.

"Perhaps this," began Dr. Krupper, notioning toward the purple plush dinosaur,  
"is what you were trying to create my good doctor?


	5. Duel

Dr. Copernicus looked at Dr. Krupper and the flabby, brainless, purple reptile  
standing beside him, who looked identical to his own particular "Barney", who  
was now unconscious on the studio floor. There was a moment of astonished  
silence, then the younger doctor spoke.

"Where did you get this?" asked Dr. Copernicus, motioning at Dr. Krupper's  
"Barney".

Dr. Krupper chuckled, and leered at his rival. "Why don't you tell him,  
Barney?"

Krupper's "Barney" giggled and rolled his huge dead eyes. "Well, I'd say that  
my *special* friend, Dr. Krupper, regenerated me from scarce amounts of my DNA!   
And a super-deeeee-duuupper job he did, too!" The purple beast wobbled his  
sagging frame in a childish wiggle of glee.

"You bastard, you stole my formulas and wrecked my own experiment!" hissed Dr.  
Copernicus, standing up and rolling back his sleeves. "You sabotaged my work  
and used it to your own interests!" He lunged at Dr. Krupper but was  
immediately shoved back by Krupper's "Barney".

"Temper, temper, Dr. Copernicus," chuckled Krupper's creation. "I must say,  
you need to relax. Shouldn't everyone celebrate my return, despite who brought  
me back? Let's all sing a song!"

"You sing, Barney, I'm taking Barry Clements back to my lab to see what  
Krupper's done to him. This isn't over, Krupper, not one damn moment!"

Dr. Krupper only shook his head and laughed at Dr. Copernicus. "Such a poor  
sport. Face it, I was on the right path all along. It just took time, is all.   
Now everyone come around and let's sing the True Barney's return!"

From amidst the rubble, children, technicians, Loved Ones, and other devotees  
of the Church of Purple Love came out and slowly approached Krupper's "Barney".   
The obese dinosaur warmly embraced his followers and motioned his servants to  
pick up their instruments and play. Noting the cue, everyone chimed in to sing  
the song that started it all, while Dr. Copernicus wheeled his "Barney" away on  
a rusty gurney....

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family....  
With a great big kiss and hug, from me to you,  
Won't you say you love me too?

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * ** 

Detective Riley stood up and searched the landscape. He and seven deputies  
were situated in a desolate meadow, searching for signs of a possible Barney  
compound.

"Did you hear anything?" Riley asked a deputy.

"Hear what, sir?"

"Would've sworn I heard singing....an old and notorious tune that eludes  
me...but it's associated with the Barney Cults...."

The young deputy closed his eyes and listened intently. After a moment he  
shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't hear anything."

"Perhaps it's just the wind," muttered Riley. "But for a split second I really  
thought I heard singing....just wishful thinking, I suppose".

* * * * * * * *

Dr. Copernicus spun the body fluid samples, seperating the foreign matters from  
the plasma. Upstairs he could hear Krupper's Barney singing and dancing. He  
knew they were taping new episodes. The first in over twenty years since  
Jeremy Phillips vanquished Barney's second coming. But while he should have  
felt elated to have the Plush Purple Demon of Love back, he was angry.  
Intensely angry. Dr. Krupper was receiving credit and admiration that was not  
his to have in the first place. And he did so at the cost of Dr. Copernicus'  
own reputation and place among the Church. It would be payback time before  
long.

Meanwhile, Copernicus' "Barney" lay on the gurney, sedated and mindless, drool  
dribbling down its chin, muttering old songs and exclamations of love. It was  
hard to believe that not too long ago, this freakish beast used to be Barry  
Clements, a highly revered and trusted elementary teacher. But given  
Copernicus' skill at surgery and psychological reconditioning, every vestige of  
humanity had been stripped clean. Now only the essence of Barney the Dinosaur  
remained. 

But something was still wrong.

Copernicus removed the vials from the agitator and began running them through  
the bio-filters. He plugged the samples into the main analyzing grid and began  
to sift through the many chemicals and plasms that composed the creature.   
Within time, he would have his answer....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Merrick laughed uproariously at the zany antics of the fat purple dinosaur, who  
wobbled and skipped merrily with the entourage of children. Even the young  
child whose arm was bitten off by Copernicus' "Barney" the previous week was  
having a fun time. Merrick turned to one of his technicians and said, "It's  
that time. I can feel it in the air again".

The technician, a spindly middle-aged man with a ruddy face, smiled and nodded  
in agreement. "This is show # 57, we're ready to bring this guy back to the  
real world, Jeremy Phillips or not. All we have to do is set up our satellite  
over-ride systems and we can plug this guy simultaneously across the world.   
The kids won't know what hit them, and if our computer experts can tap into the  
defense grids of the Pentagon, Kremlin, and related systems we won't even have  
to defend ourselves against police action. We're ready for the third and final  
Arrival of Lord Barney!"

"Hey kids," began Krupper's "Barney", "let's sing a song about how we want the  
world to be in a short while. Wouldn't it be super-dee-duuper special if I  
could go back out into the real world again, to share my love with all those  
people?"

"Yes!" shrieked the squirming mass of entranced children. "We love you Barney,  
we need you back!"

Dr. Krupper sat above the studio, grinning to himself and formulating ways to  
bring back Baby Bop and BJ. Now that the ultimate success had been achieved,  
he could relax a little and focus upon the resurrection of Barney's allies.   
The Triumvirate of Love, they would be known as. With all three beings back  
and united, there was no way that civilization could stand up against such  
combined might. Of course, Dr. Krupper ceded, he'd have to sneak back into Dr.  
Copernicus' laboratory and photograph his rival's findings. That wouldn't be  
difficult, as he knew Copernicu turned in just a few hours after midnight each  
evening. But until then, he would sit back and enjoy the merriment.

* * * * * * *

Formula 7966-CC. Dr. Copernicus ran the scanner again. There was no denying  
it. The clear, red drug had been pumped into his experiment by Dr. Krupper.   
Of that there was no doubt. Originally designed for temporary blockage of  
neuron transmissions for aversive therapies, Formula 7966-CC could also cause  
permanent brain damage and insanity if administered in excessive doses. Which  
had happened to Barry Clements.

"You sick, twisted old coot," muttered Dr. Copernicus, pacing in the  
laboratory. He looked at his "Barney", still trembling and shaking on the  
gurney. "Barney, listen to me. You were of my own creation. You are actually  
known as Barry Clements, an elementary school teacher of high regard. I met  
you at your home one day, and took you here. Through numerous therapies and  
operations, I turned you into Barney the Dinosaur. Do you remember?"

The bloated abomination only giggled and drooled, rolling its head in mindless  
delirium. Dr. Copernicus was immediately filled with the desire to strangle  
the creature, but rational thought prevailed and he stalked off to the chemical  
rack. Moments later he removed a beaker filled with a pasty green fluid.

"I'm going to try to repair your mind, Barry Clements," said Copernicus in a  
soothing, nonchalant voice. "I'm going to inject this into your arm, so it'll  
hurt a little, but it may unblock what's keeping you from remembering. "

Dr. Copernicus filled a syringe with the viscous fluid and strapped a  
tourniquet around "Barney"'s arm. He slid the needle into the lumpy, purple  
flesh and the creature cooed, and giggled again. Dr. Copernicus checked his  
watch. He was up longer than usual. But if all went well, the drug would be  
taking effect in a few moments.

Suddenly, he heard a gate shut from the far end of the hall. Dr. Copernicus  
quickly darted across the room and shut off the lights. Only the lights of the  
outside corridor were on, and as Dr. Copernicus waited, he heard footsteps  
approaching. There were at least two intruders coming down the way. Whoever  
they were, they were not here to see Dr. Copernicus. They would've called for  
him, or called from the gate. Within minutes, two figures loomed into the  
laboratory, and turned on the lights.

It was Dr. Krupper and his variant of "Barney".

Copernicus' own "Barney" lay writhing on the gurney, seemingly oblivious to the  
visitors. Dr. Krupper anxiously looked around, unsure whether they were the  
only ones inside the lab space. His "Barney" teasingly bounced over to the  
restrained "Barney" on the gurney and giggled and waved his paws about the  
other's face.

"Barney, cut that out!" whispered Dr. Krupper. "We need to find those  
additional lab notes so we can recreate Baby Bop and BJ!"

"Just having fun," chuckled the Krupper-Barney. "This laboratory is really fun  
to visit! Especially seeing Dr. Copernicus' effort to remake me. Look at this  
one. Isn't he funny?"

"It's not going to be funny if we get caught, now please, Barney, help me look  
for those notes!"

"Oh, very well, "sighed the chubby monster, still smiling emptily and wobbling  
about.

Dr. Copernicus stood his ground. He wasn't quite ready to confront Krupper  
yet. But as he stood hidden in the shadows, a devious and cruel idea entered  
his head. His hand slowly slid into his lab coat pocket and removed something  
that looked like a remote control device. He clicked it on and pointed it at  
the far end of the lab. A metallic clang and whir broke the still silence,  
causing Krupper to jump abruptly.

"What was that!?" Krupper asked, breaking into a minor sweat.

"I've no idea, let's investigate!" chimed the Krupper-Barney.

The two figures slowly approached the far end of the room. Dr. Copernicus  
snuck over to the restrained "Barney" and slowly unbuckled the straps. 

Krupper and his Barney-variant stopped at the end of the room, and noticed some  
indentations along the wall. "My word, it's a secret panel or door," exclaimed  
Dr. Krupper.

"Very observant, my good Doctor Krupper," said Dr. Copernicus. The intruders  
turned around and saw the lanky scientist and the other "Barney" blocking the  
path. "Stay right there you two, the door will come open in just a moment."

"What--what are you going to do to us?" fretted Dr. Krupper. "You can't wall  
us up, people will miss us!"

"Yes, especially me, Barney!" laughed the fat purple beast. "I don't think you  
or your failed effort are going to get away with this!"

"Oh, we will, " replied Dr. Copernicus. "You see, I'm not going to wall you  
up. Too melodramatic for my tastes. But you will have hoped I did once you  
see what's behind that door."

"And what, praytell, is behind this door?" demanded Dr. Krupper.

Dr. Copernicus smiled wickedly. "Let's just say that when you failed in your  
attempts to make a Barney-clone, everyone knew because you disposed of their  
bodies in full view of the congregation and Purple Love community. When I  
failed, my good Dr. Krupper, I kept it all to myself."

More clicks and whirs sounded from inside the wall panel. Dr. Krupper's face  
took on an alarmed expression.

"You...you mean, that behind that wall....all of your failed attempts...they're  
inside....."

"Brilliant!" screamed Dr. Copernicus. "And I thought you were so *dense*, Dr.  
Krupper! I had you figured out all wrong!"

If Dr. Krupper had any reaction, it was drowned out the next second. The  
paneling suddenly receded, and out of the lightless space that loomed from  
behind, half-human, half-monster limbs and faces leered from the darkness.   
Dr. Krupper was pulled by pudgy, purplish claws and immediately his shrieks and  
cries filled the laboratory. The sound of ripping cloth and spattering blood  
accompanied the frenzy, and Krupper's "Barney" suddenly made a mad dash for the  
laboratory door.

Dr. Copernicus anticipated the plush dinosaur's reaction. "Attack him, Barry,  
attack him now!!"

The Barney-like creation that used to be Barry Clements followed his creator's  
command. Flinging himself at Krupper's "Barney", the beast opened his maw and  
bore his immense claws. In the ensuing carnage between the two Barney's, Dr.  
Copernicus fell back and gleefully listened to the dying cries of his rival,  
Dr. Krupper. Glee suddenly turned to fear however, as he suddenly realized  
that he had no immediate way to stop the frenzied half-creatures he had just  
released. In a matter of minutes, about a dozen mindless, half-humanoid,  
half-Barney monsters would be loose in the compound, killing and devouring with  
a mindless passion.........


	6. Descent Into Apocalypse

The children of the Church of Purple Love were the first to hear the bestial  
shrieks and growls coming from the lower dungeons. Confused parents hurriedly  
donned their cloaks and made their way to the corridors. Merrick, head priest  
and founder of the Church of Purple Love, was the first to reach the damp and  
dreary laboratory of Dr. Copernicus, from where the noises came.

Before Merrick's astonished eyes, Dr. Copernicus came crashing through the  
door, his clothes torn and ragged.

"Get out!" screamed the Doctor. "They're loose, they're all loose!"

"Dr. Copernicus," began Merrick, helping the Doctor off the floor, "have you  
lost your senses? What have you done down there?"

"Run, just run, and get everyone out of here immediately!" Dr. Copernicus  
broke from Merrick's grasp and fled down the corridor.

Merrick stared after him and cautiously made his way to the door. Upon peering  
inside, he was met with a horrifying scene...

The laboratory was nothing more than a smouldering heap of broken glass,  
spilled chemicals, and shattered furniture. Amidst this wreckage were various  
mutated creatures, half-man, half-Barnoid. Most were purplish and pudgy, yet  
in varying degrees. Many of the creatures stupidly wandered about the lab, but  
then Merrick's eyes focused in onto two creatures in the middle.

It was Dr. Krupper's "Barney", and Dr. Copernicus' "Barney". The two purple  
plush dinosaurs were fighting each other. 

It was hard to tell which was which at first, but it seemed that the creature  
who was winning was Krupper's. Krupper's was in full control of its mind and  
body, while Copernicus' seemed sluggish and half-minded. Definitely drugged,  
thought Merrick.

Then Merick saw the arm hanging from the light rack. He sucked in his breath  
and suppressed a scream. The arm was Dr. Krupper's.

As if struck by an sudden instinct, the half-man, half-Barnoid creatures  
shifted their gaze at Merrick. The room went quiet. There were probably a  
dozen of the ungodly monsters clustered in the laboratory. Merrick's jaw  
dropped and he slowly staggered out of the room. It was just as he cleared the  
doorway when the first of the creatures lunged out with its claws and idiotic  
grin and began chasing Merrick. The others, save for the "Barneys" wrestling  
in the center of the room, followed suit.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Copernicus cursed under his breath. As he looked out a secret panel, he  
noticed a couple squads of police surveying the area. They were only a few  
hundred yards away. Any disturbance would bring them over and the entire  
Church of Purple Love could be discovered. Very well, he thought. We'll  
contain the beasts here and now.

He called down the main shaft and got a hold of several guards and Loved Ones,  
who, armed with rifles and shock-prods, sealed off the exits to the compound  
and awaited the arrival of the monsters. All understood that under no  
circumstances, would either "Barney" be killed. Just the failed prototypes.   
Kill those with extreme prejudice, he emphasized.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"My, you certainly are a playful sort," quipped Krupper's "Barney", as he  
pushed Copernicus' "Barney" down a flight of stone stairs. It was clear that  
the battle was nearing a probable end. Krupper's "Barney" was more alert and  
stronger than his drugged, half-minded rival.

The other "Barney", formerly elementary teacher Barry Clements, hit the  
stairwell with tremendous impact. The air was knocked out of him, and he could  
clearly hear the other "Barney" giggling with glee. 

"Silly creature," beamed Krupper's "Barney", "don't you know there can only be  
one *Barney*, and that's me? Once I get out of this compound, I'll be sure to  
steal the minds and hearts of people all over the world! It'll be  
sttuuupppeenndouusss!" 

The other "Barney", laying prone on the stairwell, said nothing. It was  
motionless.

"Hyuk, it appears that I've *killed* that impersonator, now there's just me,  
the True Barney!" With that, Krupper's "Barney", came down to inspect the  
remains of his fallen rival.

No more had the Krupper-Barney leant down over the other's body, than the other  
immediately sprang forward and clamped its perfect white teeth over its  
windpipe. The Copernicus-Barney had been clever enough to feign  
unconsciousness, and the hot, purple ichor pouring down its throat was a  
satisfying reward. The Krupper-Barney gurgled and struggled frantically,  
flailing desperately with its stubby arms, trying to break free. But the  
Copernicus-Barney pressed its teeth deeper into the plush throat of its  
opponent. Within minutes, the Krupper-Barney heaved a final breath and  
collapsed upon the floor, in a puddle of its own steaming blood.

As the Copernicus-Barney lay on the ground, drenched with the dead Barney's  
ichor, lights and sounds danced and rattled within its head. Vague images and  
faces floated up at him, and a curious realization crept upon the creature.

He was not Barney. He was a man named Barry Clements. And he was now a  
monster, a twisted creation of a berserk scientist. The horrid reality hit the  
man's psyche like a steam engine, and his anguish exploded in a blood-curdling  
scream that shook the foundations of the laboratory.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Copernicus emptied bullet after bullet into the raging purple behemoth that  
lunged at him. This particular creature had a human head crudely grafted upon  
its thick reptilian shoulders, while it dragged a spindly, hairy tail behind  
it. It hit the ground and quivered, muttering, "Love me too" over and over  
until its final gasp.

Merrick turned to Dr. Copernicus. "That makes five dead, six more running  
about".

"Something like that," replied the Doctor. "Like I said, Dr. Krupper broke into  
my laboratory and set them all free. The poor man must've gone insane, to do  
something like that."

"I saw what was left of him," replied Merrick. "Poor fool must've suffered  
terribly, even if it was over within minutes".

Dr. Copernicus shielded his smile from Merrick. "Yes, he was practically torn  
limb to limb by those beasts. They're all incredibly strong and brainless,  
thank Barney we've kept these rifles as long as we have."

Before Merrick could reply, a scream broke the silence. The men advanced,  
accompanied by a few guards and a small pack of Loved Ones. When they cleared  
the corner, they saw another half-man, half-Barnoid creature munching on a  
hapless group of Loved Ones. The beast was a thick-limbed monstrosity with  
huge bulging veins and open sores over its body. Its jaws were way too immense  
and heavy for its head. It was clear the creature had trouble standing upright.

"Fire upon its neck, shoulders, and jawline," commanded Dr. Copernicus, "those  
are its weak and most senstive areas".

The Loved Ones and guards followed his suggestions and within minutes the  
ensuing barrage cracked the Barnoid beast like a steamed lobster.

"Wonderful," said Dr. Copernicus, loading his rifle. "If we can keep at this  
we'll save the compound from certain destruction".

A cloaked minion of the Church of Purple Love made his way around the corner.   
"Dr. Copernicus, Reverend Merrick, I've just come back from the hospital area.   
We've killed seven of your creations, at the price of fourteen adults,  
twenty-nine Loved Ones, and five children".

"What of the two Barneys?" asked Merrick, "are they safe?"

"No one's been back to the laboratory area to see," replied the minion. "If we  
can put down the remaining mutations, that'll allow us to get back into that  
section of the compound".

"Good job, young man," smiled Merrick, laying his hands on the youth's  
shoulders. "In the Word of All That is Purple, I Love You. Won't you say you  
love me too?"

"I love you," nodded the minion. "Our fun and learning never ends."

* * * * * * *

Barry Clements stared at his reflection in the shattered pieces of glass on the  
floor. Every vestige of humanity had been stripped off his lithe skeleton, now  
heaps of bloated purple skin and blubber had been deviously piled on. For the  
first time in months, he knew what he was and what it was to be Barney, the  
Purple Dinosaur. But as opposed to the time he felt Barney was all loving and  
sharing, he only felt horror and sickened repulsion at what he had become. A  
monster.

He looked at the Krupper-Barney on the floor, its throat shredded and stringy,  
thin wisps of steam drifting into the cold air of the cellar dungeon.   
Mortified as he was at his own act of killing, he felt little remorse at the  
other Barney's death. Its twisted, sick motivations would surface no more to  
warp the minds of innocent children and naive parents. He picked himself off  
and made his way towards the laboratory entrance.

As he neared the western corridor, he suddenly heard cries of frightened  
children. He quickened his pace and made off towards the commotion.

* * * * *

"Dammit, man, fire!" screamed Dr. Copernicus, "they're almost on us!"

The minion and several guards frantically loaded their rifles and fired  
frantically into the advancing wall of Barnoid-mutations. It seemed that these  
few remaining beasts were the strongest and most terrible. A small group of  
children were trapped between the beasts and a collapsed barricade. 

Merrick came running back into the western corridor with a small metal case,  
and unclasped its contents. The case contained several tightly wrapped bundles  
of plastique explosives.

"Don't let them at this case, whatever you do," said Merrick. "If these  
bundles get jarred, we're pretty much dead!"

"No promises, just get those charged!" yelled Dr. Copernicus, focusing his  
sights on a Barnoid-mutant's temple. His resultant shot brought the beast  
down.

The remaining beasts suddenly lunged away from the defenders and made an  
advance towards the children. The youths shrieked and huddled together,  
clenching their Barney and Baby Bop Dolls. As the gang of grinning, slobbering,ring  
Barnoid monsters edged closer, Merrick put the finishing touches on a pack of  
plastiques.

"We can't use those until they're away from the children!" said Merrick, "even  
then, we can only use one at a time, for safety's sake!"

"There's no way to save them," muttered Dr. Copernicus, "no way at all".

The next instant, before everyone's astonished eyes, Dr. Copernicus' "Barney"  
leapt out from the shadows and flung itself upon the surprised crowd of Barnoid  
mutants. The resulting battle was relentless in its ferocity and  
grotesqueness.

Within moments two of the Barnoid mutants were dying, their innards spilling  
out onto the barren stone floor. A minute later another one had both arms torn  
off, and ran off into the darkness, spilling a pinkish trail of ichor behind  
it. Now the Copernicus-Barney, Barry Clements, set about destroying the  
remaining two beasts.

While the three monsters battled, the children, spattered with blood and  
fragments of bone, came running back to the defenders. Dr. Copernicus held  
back on the plastique and focused the minion's gunfire upon the last two  
Barnoid-monsters.

As Barry Clements fought, he felt the pain sear through his body like fire from  
the scratches and bites he sustained from the beasts. His plush, purple claws  
locked onto the skull of one and with his newfound strength, broke it like a  
pumpkin. The monster giggled, and as its brains oozed out of its nostrils,  
sank to the floor and smiled.

The last Barnoid-mutation frantically looked to escape. As bullet after  
bullet ripped into its sullen flesh, the Copernicus-Barney lifted it off its  
feet and flung it against the wall. Dozens of bones shattered like toothpicks,  
and within seconds the last creature lay dead on the ground.

Silence came like heavy curtain, smoke drifting lazily through the corridor.   
The creature that used to be Barry Clements fell onto its knees, gasping for  
air. It had been a terrible battle, and Barry was the ultimate victor.

Dr. Copernicus steadily approached his creation. "Barry?"

The bleeding, fat purple dinosaur lifted its head lazily. "Are...the  
children...safe....monsters gone....?"

"Yes, Barry, the monsters are all gone. Our children are safe. Where is the  
other Barney?"

The creature chuckled. "...not good....wanted to steal minds of....  
the minds of your children....naive parents.....was evil."

Dr. Copernicus patted Barry on his shoulder, and noticed it was dislocated.   
"Barry, I'm going to take you back to the laboratory. You need help  
immediately. We're going to make you better, help you get your mind back.   
Don't you feel that's a good idea?"

"It's a super-de-duupper...........idea," muttered Barry. "What will happen to  
me then?"

"It'll be great, Barry," answered Dr. Copernicus. "We'll finish your complete  
transformation into Barney, and you'll be broadcast live all over the world.  
The Age of Purple Love will rise again, and those who do not follow  
your teachings will be purged."

"....Purple Holocaust..." groaned the creature," ...like Jeremy Phillips  
said...."

"Your time will come again, it'll be incredible,"assured Dr. Copernicus,  
helping Barry to his immense cushy feet. "Merrick, come here and help me."

Merrick put the charged bundles aside and made his way to help Barry. The  
three of them began heading back to the laboratory, as the surviving Loved Ones  
and minions began clearing the debris. When they apporached the metal case of  
plastique, Merrick held the dinosaur back.

"Easy, big guy," said Merrick. "That's some sensitive stuff, one wrong move  
and we're outta here."

"Dr. Copernicus....I..am...the new beginning....another Purple Holocaust?"  
asked Barry.

"Such a loaded phrase, let's not call it that, Barry," said Dr. Copernicus.

"Children....slaves....adults killed....death," muttered Barry.

"Such talk!" laughed Dr. Copernicus nervously. "Please Barn- I mean, Barry,  
let's move on. This is getting us nowhere." He noticed the Loved Ones and  
minions began looking uneasy. "Let's sing a song, a happy song," he suggested.   
"I love you, you love me..."

"...We're a happy family...." added Merrick.

"With a great big hug and kiss from me to you..." joined the Loved Ones and  
minions.

"..Won't you say you love me too!!" shrieked Barry, his huge reptilian face  
contracting into a purplish mass of agony, " Oh God, what have you done to me!  
What have you done!?!"

Before Dr. Copernicus or Merrick could react, Barry Clements, once  
beloved-elementary-teacher-turned-Barney, tore the metal case out of the  
priest's hands and flung it with unbridled strength against the compound floor.

The plastique exploded upon impact.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Detective Riley thought at first the explosion was an ignited gas leak, but  
then he turned and saw the smoke. Huge pillars of concrete were flung into the  
air like pencils, and huge rifts formed in the earth.

Call in back-up on the double!" Riley barked at his deputies, "and call in  
search and rescue crews, advise heavy machinery for excavation!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Tons of dirt and rubble cascaded into the compound, the cries of Purple Love  
minions and Loved Ones drowned out by the sound of collapsing concrete. Under  
a shattered cement column, Barry Clements, his thick,blubbery, reptilian body  
slowly being crushed by the upheaval, smiled weakly. As he lay dying, the  
final vestiges of a Barney-cult died with him. The realization put him at  
peace, even amidst the raging torrent of earth and mortar. The next instant  
the world lapsed into darkness, an eternity for the Church of Purple Love and  
its twisted machinations.

* * * * * * * *

"How many are there, lieutenant?" asked Detective Riley.

"So far we've discovered forty-seven cultists," answered the policeman, "but  
that's just in this corridor. Blueprints of this old subway system reveal at  
least nine other possible links. This is one of the largest concentrations of  
Barney-cultism we've seen yet".

"Anything else?"

The policeman's face took on a grave look. "Yes, but don't ask me to describe  
it. It's beyond anything I've ever imagined. Follow me".

Riley followed the man to an open pit. He looked down and saw at least a dozen  
half-human, half-dinosaur creatures. All were purplish, with idiotic grins and  
plush talons.

"All the time, they were down here trying to recreate the horror," said Riley,  
wiping his brow. "Looks like they came very close to doing that, too."

"What should we do with those remains?" asked the policeman. 

Riley sat and stared at the twisted and horrid corpses of the Barney-creatures.   
He clenched his lip and nodded his head. It was very evident what the best  
thing to do was.

"Pour all the gasoline you can find and torch this mess," he said, averting his  
gaze away from the bloated purple flesh-pile. "Let no one excavate this site  
or examine those remains at any cost. Burn it here and now, and destroy any  
other specimens you find. We can't let this happen again".

Within the hour a fuel truck had emptied its entire capacity of gasoline into  
the ghastly trench. Riley watched in sullen satisfaction as the fuel was  
ignited, immediately absorbing the reptilian bodies in flames. The smell of  
burning Barnoid-flesh was sickeningly sweet. How appropriate, thought Riley.

For a brief moment, the searing smoke and heat filled the sky and turned the  
sun an eerie shade of purple. The next instant it cleared, and disturbed the  
sky no more. In the distance, Riley thought he heard children singing.


End file.
